Is it common that girl is not a virgin at 19？How is your current boyfriend feeling about it if you aren’t a virgin but he is? Will he be jealous or angry ?

31 ene 2023

País o región China

lam learning English Can we make friends and practice English orChinese with each other ？

País o región China

@RRResident But l have let him experience that with me .He just feel unacceptable about l have experienced this with others.He said when he see how l love him he could remember that l once loved others

RRResident

País o región Reino Unido

@girl20zho he sounds like a very traditional man. Then he has a choice, accept you, or lose you. You cannot change the past

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Gejemica

País o región Reino Unido

@girl20zho That sounds like a combination of selfishness and insecurity on his part.

You've done nothing wrong.

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País o región China

@Gejemica Thank you.l feel less guilty.

País o región Reino Unido

I think the rates of teenage pregnancy in Europe are high, higher than China's I am willing to bet.

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País o región China

@ElladaBritannia In China，it is still a shame thing and the society probably think the girl lacks self-esteem But they become quite forgiving when it comes to boys .For example,they think the boy should be proud to make a girl pregnant before marriage,because if a girl’s pregnant she has to get married with the boy without any other requests

País o región China

@ElladaBritannia But nowadays the situation is quite improved.In fact,the most serious problem between my boyfriend and me is that l loved a man who are 12 older than me.My boyfriend often talks about this and this made me agitated.I don’t know how to deal with it.He said l should be shamed about my ex-boyfriend and he thought I loved the man because he gave me expensive gifts.I feel really uncomfortable about it but he doesn’t believe me

País o región Reino Unido

@girl20zho In China it is still a shameful thing and society probably thinks the girl in question lacks self-esteem. But they become quite forgiving when it comes to boys. For example,they think the boy should be proud of making a girl pregnant before marriage, because if a girl’s pregnant she has to get married to the boy without any other requests.

I corrected your English, I hope you dont mind, if you do I will delete my message.

Like I said, in the West, the levels of teenage pregnancy and also single mothers is, in my opinion, high, perhaps too high. This is not a solid foundation for a family to grow and therefore it is not a solid foundation for a country to grow.

I think in most countries when it comes to sex, the girl is under more stricter guidance than the boys from the parents because obviously, the girl can become pregnant and it could destroy her life financially and therefore jepodise the quality of the life of the child as well since the child is growing up in a single parent home with less financial stability.

It takes two to tango so the boy, in an unwanted pregnancy, is also culpable for his own actions. This is why we need to adjust our culture in order for such circumstances to not arise so frequently as it does.

People will say the government should provide fiscal support and the government does but relying on the state to provide for you and your family is unsustainable in the long term so we should adjust our culture to move away from the state and we should move away from the state in general as well, since the powers of government have become immense and it puts the citizens at risk.

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País o región China

@ElladaBritannia Thanks for correcting me.I feel happy that you read my words so carefully.Back to that topic，my boyfriend always wants me to think he is the only one l should love.before l thought he behaved that because he loved me,but recently l feel that he just want to belittle me in order to control me.But he is also making money now and he could spend most of his salaries on our eating and entertainment.So sometimes l don’t no whether he loves me or not.What do you think about this?

País o región Reino Unido

@girl20zho "Thanks for correcting me.I am glad that you read my words so carefully. Back to the pervious topic, my boyfriend always wants me to think he is the only one l should love. Before l thought he behaved like that because he loves me, but recently l feel like he just wants to belittle me in order to control me. But he is also making money now and he spends most of his salary on our food and entertainment. So sometimes l don’t know whether he loves me or not. What do you think about this?"

Your question is a very serious question and speaking online via messages like this wont give you the full answer that you deserve so I recommend you speak to your family and friends as a priority since they know you and they know your boyfriend.

Its certainly possible that he is using his money as a form of financial control but its also certainly possible that he is spending his money on the both of you because he loves you an wants to take care of you. This is how men show their love for women, if a man is willing to spend money on a woman, it is a sign that he has strong feelings and desires for a woman. This is why women enjoy having flowers and jewellery bought for them, it is a sign from the man that he is willing to sacrifice his savings for you, this buying of gifts for wooing females exists in different countries around the world and is probably rooted in evolutionary biology.

I digress.

It is true that a man spending money on a woman is a sign of his love and desire for a women, however, it can also be a form of financial bullying or manipulation. So this is why noone can give you a definite answer but your family will be able to help you much more. If your gut instinct is telling you that he is belittling you then perhaps he is and perhaps you are unhappy with this.

I think it is important for your boyfriend to show his love for you by other means rather than just via financial support, like he could buy you flowers, write you a poem, sing you a song, be romantic with you. However, being romantic is not something all men excel at, but he should be addressing this to make you feel loved by him. In fact, if these romantic gestures are missing, perhaps that may not be a good sign...

I hope you can find the answer soon.

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País o región China

@ElladaBritannia my instinct tells me a blurry unhappiness.Sometimes l feel l love him so much .However when l don’t stay with him l feel afraid and want to split up with him.but l don’t know why l feel that.l never feel that before.l have ex-boyfriends but l never feel like this Since being his girlfriend,l always feel self-abased

País o región Reino Unido

@girl20zho "My instincts tell me I have a blurry unhappiness. Sometimes l feel like l love him so much. However when l don’t stay with him l feel afraid and that I want to split up with him. But l don’t know why l feel that. l never felt like that before. l have ex-boyfriends but l never felt like this until I became his girlfriend. l always feel self-abased."

Again, this is quite serious. I would consult your family and friends.
Having said that, based on the few messages we have exchanged, I would say something is not right with this man and that you should proceed with caution.

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País o región China

@ElladaBritannia l want to split up with him but the reality is that I am a girl that need companion ，and now l am a student in university.The money my parents give me is not enough for the living cost .on both sides l need him.Am l a bad girl if l don’t get married with him in the end?what should l do?

País o región China

@ElladaBritannia l am afraid to tell my parents.it’s awkward and they can only be more traditional .

País o región Reino Unido

@girl20zho "l want to split up with him but the reality is I am a girl that needs a companion and now l am a student in university. The money my parents give me is not enough for the cost of living. On both sides l need him. Am l a bad girl if l don’t get married with him in the end? What should l do?"

You need to consult your friends and family. If you are having financial difficulty as a student, you may have to consider getting a part time job or a second job.

The culture of marriage in the West and in China is different so I can only say that, in the UK, if you did not marry him, it would not be a bad thing as people here get married very late, like in their 30s (which I think is kind of stupid but thats another topic for another day).

I can see you need him emotionally and financially and perhaps he knows this and is using this as leverage over you and as a result making you feel confused. I hope your family and friends will help you.

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País o región Reino Unido

@girl20zho I understand that you are afraid, everyone is afraid to ask help from their parents who may become angry however, your parents need to know if you are in some kind of emotional and financial trouble and if your boyfriend is not who you think he is.

It is awkward but your parents who love you, want to see their daughter be safe and happy. Therefore they are the only ones who can help you now.

Better to ask for help today then in the future when you have no money and a child and no husband... this situation of being a single mother is common in the UK and I do not wish anyone to end up in this situation so you must consult with your family today.

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País o región China

@ElladaBritannia In my experience i don’t think they have the ability to deal with this.l need to sleep now.it’s 1.19here,thanks very much.l will think about this carefully,By the way is it possible to make a friend with you?

Shirin_farsi